Forgiveness
We’ve all been hurt or let down by someone really we care about or a complete stranger. Their actions or hurtful words may have been either intentional or unintentional. There may not be any excuse for the amount of pain that others have caused us. Unfortunately, there are some evil people roaming about, whose mission is to wreak havoc in the lives of others. The truth is, hurt people hurt people. So I wouldn’t be surprised if those that hurt us throughout our lives were dealing with some kind of hurt themselves. Who ever they are, what ever they said, or what ever they did, it at led to the same result - hurt and offense.
Its understandable to be angry about what happened or what was said initially; however, dwelling on what happened or what was said can lead to chronic anger, which is where we get into trouble. Chronic anger will cause us to become bitter, which can negatively impact our relationships with people who genuinely care about us. Chronic anger is also detrimental to our health. In fact, chronic anger can cause obesity, depression, headaches/migraines, decrease bone density, indirectly cause coronary heart disease, and weaken the immune system (and potentially increase the risk of cancer) just to name a few. Staying angry at the people that hurt us is NOT worth it.
How can you say that? You don’t know what he/she did to me!
That’s true, I don’t know what exactly happened you. I acknowledge that you experienced something terrible by the words and/or actions of other(s). As a result of his/her words/actions, you’ve experienced a lot of grief, anger, and possibly even loss. I am genuinely sorry for that.
I also know that staying angry and hating someone isn’t worth jeopardizing your own health and future. Its too big of a price to pay and you are honestly worth way more than that! It is better to forgive than to stay angry, despite what ever he/she did or said to you.
Why should I forgive the person that hurt me?
Forgiving those that hurt you is NOT for their benefit, it’s for yours. As briefly mentioned earlier, staying angry all of the time negatively impacts your health in multiple ways. It’s not worth it.
It also takes a lot of energy to hold a grudge against and/or hate someone. Being chronically angry at someone means that you haven’t moved passed what happened. Staying angry and offended essentially makes you a prisoner to the pain/offense that was caused by someone else. You may not be in a physical prison cell, but you are prisoner in your own mind. And similar to doing time inside of a prison cell, there will be good things that you miss because you were “locked up”. So why pay time for someone else’s crime?
How can I forgive someone that hurt me?
Forgiving someone that wronged you or someone you love isn’t easy. If it were easy I’m sure there would be a lot less angry people out in the world.
In fact, as a Christian, I know that I can’t truly forgive someone that has done a heinous act to me or my family without the help of Jesus Christ.
[Testimony time] After enduring abuse and infidelity in two previous romantic relationship, I felt angry, hurt, and betrayed all at the same time. I’d lose sleep crying over what happened and even experienced panic attacks. I sought medical treatment to deal with some of the emotional and physical pain that was caused, but things didn’t change until I prayed and ask God to help me forgive them. Don’t get me wrong, what those two individuals did was flat out wrong. But I knew I didn’t want to continue to live my life boxed into the fear, hurt, and pain that they caused me. It definitely was NOT easy, but it was so worth it! I didn’t have to call or text either one of them saying that I forgave them. All I did was admit to God about how hurt I felt from the pain that they caused, asked Him to help me forgive them, and left it all in His hands, no matter what the outcome. I can’t explain exactly what happened, but I do know that there was a positive shift in my heart, mind, and soul. I no longer feel anger or pain, but instead I just pray that they have their coming to Jesus moments. After all, “…love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you" - Matthew 5:44 (NKJV) .
I know that the viewers reading this might not be Christian, thats ok. Here are a couple of forgiveness strategies that some experts recommended on U.S. News Health:
Live in the present
Don’t keep track of who’s wrong you
Imagine a conversation with the person that wrong you
For more strategies, please read the article.
What if the person I have to forgive is myself?
Sometimes we fall into the trap of blaming ourselves for what happened. For example:
“If I just left early, _____ wouldn’t have happened to me.”
”This wouldn’t have ever happened if I didn’t respond to him.”
”I should’ve never trusted her.”"
The fact is, we are human and we do make mistakes. Sometimes that means we ignore that subtle voice inside of us pointing out red flags. You shouldn’t continually punish yourself for any mistakes that you may or may not have been able to prevent (even if the mistake that was orchestrated by someone else). You won’t be able to move forward safely unless you stop looking back and living in the past. Have some grace for yourself and your mistakes. Learn from them, get up, dust yourself off, and keep moving
Forgiving yourself is similar to forgiving others that hurt you. Acknowledge what happened, give it to God, and move forward.
